If I Had $1000000
It’s been awhile since I’ve done a good parody…and my friend Jacquie Boivin inspired this one with her Facebook status of “If I had a million dollars, I’d buy carbon offsets”. Being a good excuse to procrastinate when I should have been doing accounting (ironically), and demonstrating I’ve been spending maybe too much time around sustainability culture…here goes. With apologies to the Barenaked Ladies:
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
I’d renovate a heritage house
(I would reno a heritage house)
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
I’d go LEED on your lane house
(Not Silver—go Gold or Platinum!)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you an EV
(and not a hybrid automobile)
If I had a million dollars I’d buy offsets
If I had a million dollars
I’d build a wind farm in our yard
If I had a million dollars
You could help, it wouldn’t be that hard
If I had a million dollars
Maybe we could build some rammed-earth walls
You know, so it’s cool in summer and hot in winter
Like have waterless urinals and reused furniture
There would already be local foods for us
Like all sustainably raised biodynamic cruelty-free 100 mile vegan free-range fair-trade…
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a bamboo floor
(Yup, real bamboo with zero-VOC glue)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d build you a biogas plant
(Yep, go completely off the grid)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a a million dollars)
Well, I’d make you some compost remains
(Ooh, all them crazy long earthworms)
And If I had a million dollars I’d buy offsets
If I had a million dollars
We wouldn’t have to walk to the store
If I had a million dollars
No, we’d have our own vertical farm
If I had a million dollars
We wouldn’t have to eat Kraft Dinner
(because we’d make our own cheese on site)
–Wait, we would? Through our own CSA
And sell really expensive shares in it
That’s right, all the obscurest organic goodies!
Mmmmmm, kale….rutabagas…
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a hemp dress
(But not a real weed dress, that’s illegal)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a bike shop
(for fixies and recumbents?)
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you David Suzuki
(Haven’t you always loved David Suzuki!?)
If I had a million dollars
I’d buy offsets
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